The night he came to visit

by Andrea Estrada
(Florida Jupiter )

It was a Friday night and it was a rainy day. I had to take care of my two younger sisters Sammie and Janet. My parents decided to go to a party and they told me to babysit. I said "okay" and they were gone so I told my sisters if they wanted to watch a movie with me. As I went to the kitchen to make popcorn I heard the noise.


Thump, thump. I quickly turned around and grabbed the kitchen knife. There was no one there so I just began to put the popcorn in the microwave and went to check on my sisters. I told Sammie if she heard a thumping noise. She said "no I didn't hear anything" so I just said never mind.

I went back to the kitchen and suddenly I smelled something really bad. It smelled like something was rotting. I tried to figure out were the horrible smell was coming from, and I discovered it came from the microwave. I began to push the button to open the microwave and inside was a human heart.

There was a note inside the heart. It said "I have watched you but you never look at me or even know I exist. So I am here to make you mine and, by the way, don't call the police or you will never see your sister Janet again!"

I screamed and paniced. Then I rushed to the living room to see if Sammie was still there. She was. She was tied up and she was crying, saying there was a man here and he took Janet! I asked Sammie "where did he take her?" She said in a trumbling voice "into your room". I grabbed the knife and slowly went to my room. What I saw shocked me. I saw the guy and he had Janet in his arms. He had a gun. I quickly told myself that I would have to compromise with him.

I came into the room. The guy looked straight at me and he said "oh hello there, nice of you to join us, please sit down my love." I did. I was so scared. I quickly looked at my sister she was bleeding and crying. The guy said "shut up!" and I said let her go. He said "why, why should I let her go? You love her and I only want you to love me!" So I said "if you let her go and leave my sisters alone I will love you." He said "That's funny, but no, I have to kill everyone you love and am starting with her!" I said "no!" but it was to late.

He pulled the trigger and killed my sister. I screamed and then he covered my face with a cloth I tried to fight back but instead I passed out. I woke up in the hospital to find my parents hugging me and crying. They said that Sammie is ok and so is Janet. They said that the bullet missed any vital organs. I sighed with relief, then they said that the guy was in jail so I don't need to worry anymore. Then my mother said "let's put on the tv'. There was a sudden breaking news! There was a man on the lose so, they said, if you see this man call the police.

I was shocked it was the same man and I screamed because I knew who it was. It was my neighbor! He was my stalker and still, to this day I always look to see if he's there.

Well done, Andrea, but I had to correct far too many problems in order to accept it. Study the differences, and learn from them for next time.

For all hopeful submitters... If you take no care in preparing your stories, for spelling, punctuation, and the like... why should I publish them? Poor efforts coming in slows down good stories getting published.

Phil G.

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