First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes a baby in a baby carriage. But what happens next? Drugs. My father had it all. He had a wonderful three-year-old child (me), a nice house, two adorable German shorthairs, a beautiful and sympathetic wife, and a well-paying job.

Everybody was happy, but it was too perfect to last. My dad turned to alcohol. He would break my things and beat my mother when I was asleep. He would always convince me that hurting her was "fun" and that she was evil. I didn't believe him until my mom kicked him out of our house. She did this because he had stolen money from my mom's bank account, never came home, burned his own bed, attempted to kill her multiple times, cheated on her, and taught me to swear at her.

My mom thought I was too young to understand, so she never explained to me about my dad. I would bite and kick at my mom, thinking that my father was right after all. I didn't get along with other kids for years, and I hated my mother. I was so violent that my preschool teacher wanted me to repeat preschool! Soon, my parents got a divorce. We lost the house and had to live with my grandparents in Illinois for a year. After that year, we moved into an apartment in the town our old house was in. I went to the same school as I did in kindergarten, met up with some old friends, and made a few more. But no amount of friends can replace what my father has done to me.

Around third grade, my dad would call me now and then. He told me that I couldn?t be accepted into his family unless I treated my mother like trash or killed her. He would say my mom's family was evil and not to be trusted. I loved my family. I would never kill them, but I also hated being unloved and being denied child support.

I never hurt my mother or anyone else in my family, but I told him I would. My father said I would be killed if I told anybody about The Secret. It hurt a lot, being called a bad child for every time I denied my mom being evil, which I did on occasion. Calling and leaving disturbing and threatening messages on the machine would follow. He was a bit nicer in jail visits, but just to put on a show for my mother.

One day, not long before Easter in fourth grade, my dad called and said he was coming to kill the family and take me for his own. I didn't talk for almost the entire visit to my grandparents' house, where we gathered for all family events. My father never came, but the fear was still there.

My dad has been shown as the main opponent on a local news stations 'Deadbeat Dads' investigation. It would talk about how my dad owed over $72,000 in child support. The specials got me plenty of food donations, school supplies, and a session of swimming lessons. They are still on now. Believe it or not, the investigations have been nominated for a huge award. It was a Grammy, Oscar, or an Emmy, but I forget which.

Recently, I lost the ability to keep The Secret bottled up. I had a huge breakout saying that 'I was a bad child' and that 'Nobody loved me, and nobody ever would.' I began to self-punish, and I just felt like dying. I felt like there was nowhere to turn. My mom would ask why I would do this to myself, and I finally told her what had been going on. There was a lot of silence, followed by an outburst of tears in both of our eyes. Then, my mom told me that she was going to talk to my dad, but I wasn't about to let that happen. It took a while to convince her not to, but she agreed. After talking to my mom, I was able to quit hurting myself.

I'm now in seventh grade, and my dad is in Huber jail. He currently owes us over $116,000 in mixed support. We stopped visiting him as soon as I told my mom about The Secret. I would like to remain anonymous, but strongly encourage anybody to donate to any organization that helps children with deadbeat parents or alcohol recovery. Kids like me need all the help we can get.

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